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Bazza and his mates put their heads together to come up with some big ideas to promote New South Wales tourism, writes John Longhurst.
Bazza counted the New Year’s resolutions as they jogged past the front bar window, took out his diary, ran a line through Mick’s name and grinned.
He looked up as Mick wended his way through the crowded front bar to deliver a tray of schooners to beaming faces around the table.
“That New Year resolution of joining the Friday afternoon jogging group instead of having a beer did not last long, Mick.”
Mick waved off the comment, feigned a limp and sucked in a deep breath before handing out the schooners.
“Ok…you blokes…I’ve seen off the annual invasion of the relatives and this shout is on me.”
Mick eyeballed the group and lowered his voice.
“Now listen up…. the Mayor has asked me to set up an innovative, strategic and expert committee to examine underlying impediments preventing the growth of tourism and associated industries within the boundaries of the Eurobodalla Shire. I will chair the committee on an ongoing basis in the medium term, but I thought there might be some room for some ground level up, value added input from the likes of you lot going forward.”
Bazza blinked and shook his head.
“You mean a committee to promote tourism, Mick?”
Mick shot a glare at Bazza.
“I just said that, Bazza… now pay more attention. I think the Shire would benefit from a big tourist attraction. Now… Coffs Harbour has the Big Banana even though they grow more blueberries these days, Goulburn has the Big Merino but I sympathise for the family living in the house directly behind it with an unimpeded view of the ram’s testicles and the Big Potato at Robertson is…well… better suited to promoting the Malabar Waste Water Treatment Plant. It is important we keep it appropriate.”
Timeless Tom took a generous sip and leaned in.
“Well, I guess the Big Oyster is a natural fit, Mick. There are oyster farms throughout the shire and it fits with the Oyster Festival at Narooma… or we could go for the Big Whale.”
There were nods of agreement around the bar table and Mick jotted down some notes before Bazza let out a sigh.
“Pretty bloody ugly, Tom. Why would tourists come to view the Big Oyster when it is all about eating them? As for the Big Whale… well…they are already pretty big. Are you suggesting the Bigger Whale?… perhaps a monstrosity that stretches for a kilometre along the coast road blocking the view of the ocean. I suggest the natural features of the shire speak for themselves.”
Mick folded his arms and glared at Bazza.
“A very negative attitude, Bazza. Big things are great for tourism. Your membership of this committee is at risk if you cannot be more positive. We need to have a Big Think.”
Know All Ron cleared his throat and enjoyed the silence as he took a measured sip.
“How about the Big Yoga Teacher? The ratio of yoga teachers per capita of population in this shire surpasses all others. I guarantee each one of you knows at least one yoga teacher.”
Nods of agreement all round as Ron took another sip.
“As I thought…I suggest a big statue of a yoga teacher posing a downward facing dog somewhere along the highway.”
Mick beamed.
Bazza bit his bottom lip and rubbed his chin.
“Well… the Big Downward Facing Dog could stretch across the Moruya River and be the key design feature of the proposed new bridge. Driving under the Big Downward Facing Dog is sure to be a winner with the tourists.”
Mick scribbled furiously into his notebook.
John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.
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